Why Do Many Pregnant Woman and New Mothers Want to Leave Their Husbands?

We all know and understand pregnant women have hormones, however how do the hormones and state of mind during pregnancy affect their personal relationship with their spouse? This article is geared towards a wanted pregnancy from a couple who has been actively trying to conceive a child. An unplanned pregnancy may have different emotional and financial stress than a couple who has planned for such a journey. We can all plan, but at the end of the day, our plans can only serve as guidelines to how we would like events and circumstances to turn out. Emotions, Hormones, finances and lifestyle choices, take a greater impact on the plans we make for our current and future life and in turn can make pregnant woman more susceptible for wanting to leave their spouses.

From a scientific view, the moment a child is conceived in the womb, pregnant women experience a sudden increase in estrogen and progesterone as well as changes and the functionality of other hormones within a very short amount of time. These changes can greatly affect the mood and physical activity of the body. A pregnant woman may be seen laughing and excited about the pregnancy/child and she may also be seen weeping and upset about the same situation in the same time frame. The emotions are vast and overwhelming for the pregnant woman. If the husband shows any negative emotions, fears and thoughts about the baby, this will greatly affect the pregnant wife as she will begin to question his commitment, his loyalty and his affirmation that he still loves her unconditonally and will also love the child.

 

 Husbands should provide daily affirmations and embrace the excitement and positives of having a child even if you are scared out of your mind! Pregnant women jump to conclusions about their relationships very quickly and many times feel that they are alone in this pregnancy as the husband does not feel the symptoms of the pregnancy and may not  want to talk about it as much as the pregnant wife may like. Pregnant women know they are pregnant every moment and think about what needs to be done for the child’s arrival  (nesting) as well as what they want to accomplish beforehand. Their husbands may just look towards the due date and not much else. This mindset makes the pregnant woman question the commitment and support of the husband. They may feel they are not as committed to making a life together as a family and may  start thinking about a life potentially without the husband, for just mommy and baby. Now is the time to be more understanding on both sides.

 

Finances. Because pregnant woman tend to start earlier than their husbands in preparing for the birth and arrival of their child, "spending” for the baby may become an issue. This trying financial time for a couple, can include: buying a bigger home, reorganizing and refurnishing a home to accommodate baby and potential in laws who will be sleeping over, buying stuff for the baby, etc. Not only are pregnant woman dealing with a rush of hormones and pregnancy brain but also the endless ‘to-do’ list for when the baby comes.

 

 This will greatly affect the financial relationship of the couple if they do not have similar spending habits and mentality on what needs to be accomplished for the child and prioritize. If the husband shows resistance to the pregnant wife’s spending ‘on the baby’, she will once again question his commitment, loyalty and his love for her and child. In the mind of the pregnant woman, she needs to prepare sooner rather than later as she knows much care is needed for the baby once it arrives and would rather get the basics done before she is too heavy and pregnant to enjoy shopping for the baby and to enjoy the excitement together as husband and wife as they shop, buy and prepare for the baby. If she feels she has to ‘nag’ and beg and constantly ask to get this and that without the husband initiating it, she will become very upset and feel he doesn’t love her or baby and will question if he will be able to support them how she would like. She may feel that she can do it on her own and question why she even needs him and his support.

 

For the husband, prioritizing and being open about finances is very important for your pregnant wife and to constantly reassure her she is loved as is the baby and you will do your best to get what she would like and communicate with her about what it is she feels important for the child and show interest and excitement. At the end of the day, it is not a crib she wants, it is the husband’s unconditional love and understanding.

Lastly, it is lifestyle choices that can greatly affect a pregnant woman’s desire to want to leave her husband. If the couple was active and travelling and social before the pregnancy and now after, due to her energy level or general pregnancy uneasiness, the wife can not do the aforementioned activities with her husband, it can either bond the couple together even more as they choose to spend more time together at home or it can create a division and resent in the relationship. For an example, if the husband continues to be social and attend social events without his wife or travel or hang out more with his friends because the wife is “too pregnant’ to do anything like they used to do, can greatly affect the pregnant woman’s emotions and deeply question his commitment, desirability for the child and family together and start to question what type of father he will be, etc.

Husband and the pregnant wife shouldn’t have to spend every free moment together, however the husband needs to be sensitive and not leave her alone while he is being social. This extends to after the baby is born as well. Family unity is created when you spend time together, not apart. Busy work and school schedules already take us away from quality family time. Husbands have to spend time with their heavily pregnant wives and enjoy this time as it is very short and full of life.

questions?
dearnadia2016@gmail.com

The Sacrifices of The Paid Working Mother VS The UnPaid Working Mother

All mothers work. The type of work and the payback is not the same. Motherhood truly questions ones priorities in life, and the choices available to them. This article is mainly based on mothers who are the sole caregivers to their young children from choosing that option verses mothers who have other caregivers for their children based on choosing to pursue a paid position instead. This can be a family member, nanny or childcare facility that is the main caretaker. It is fair to acknowledge that different types of mothers and circumstances and situations exist. It is safe to say that most all mothers do sacrifice something for their newfound responsibility: Children. This article aims to point out the sacrifices of such mothers and does not hold one type of mother better than the other as all situations are different and based on varying priorities and circumstances.

Headlines were recently made when Chelsea Clinton missed her daughter’s Charlotte’s  first day of preschool. A milestone most parents look forward to and truly want to experience. A bittersweet moment of realizing the child is truly growing to be an independent member of society and a big turning page for development and experiences for both child and parents. Chelsea missed this important milestone due to her job and campaigning out of state for her mother Hilary Clinton who is running for the democratic presidential position of the United States.

This is the main and most important sacrifice that paid working mothers experience; time with their children and family and being present for momentous experiences especially during the early years and development of their child. This sacrifice has its disadvantages as the relationship between mother and child can be affected negatively with time and the distance more severe. Children do remember and know who is there for them. Yes, they may come to understand the ‘why’ and may even appreciate their outside working mother with time, however, relationships may be strained or  feeling abandoned by the most important person in a child’s life; their mother.

Times have changed and the role of the mother has become diversified and even has become more challenging than before, as responsibilities have increased, careers are more time consuming and demanding and the financial means to lead a comfortable life, i.e home in a safe and convenient location, good schooling, keeping up with technological advancements via ipads, iphone, vacations and travel and family time.

Headlines have also been made of mothers who have chosen to be the sole caretakers of their children and family and the hardships they face on a daily basis. From criticisms of “what do you do all day” to “how will you pay your grad school loan and what good did it do you if you’re not earning money now?” to feeling overwhelmed and exhausted by daily caretaking and chores and home responsibilities. How many paying jobs require to be up every two hours of the night, then be awake all day, entertaining, feeding, changing and teaching another human being (s) whilst doing laundry (did anyone mention the several steps that takes? The gathering of the dirty clothes (going from room to room, up and down stairs), the separating (the hand wash pile, dry cleaning and normal wash) and putting away. Attending doctor’s appointment,  the grocery store, the post office, the dry cleaners and only to come back and cook dinner and make sure everyone is cleaned, fed, napped, entertained, minds educated, etc.

The endless daily activities always keep a nonpaying mother on her toes. Yes, they work and they have sacrificed their careers and ignore the criticisms of being the sole care taker of their children, because they get what they look forward to everyday: Time with their children. Being there physically and emotionally to care for what they brought into the world. Creating secure and confident children and taking the responsibility of being parents seriously and wholeheartedly. Creating citizens of the world that will be productive and appreciative. This takes selflessness, as a mother’s own needs and wants are placed on hold as they take control and care of a new chapter in their life : raising a family.

 At the end of each day and at the end of each year, we look back on our lives and how we’ve spent the time and how we feel about it. Money can be produced but time can not. We can not buy more time. Time is limited. So, how will you spend your time?

Questions?
Email : Dearnadia2016@gmail.com

International Lifestyle: Raising kids in a different culture in an advanced technological time

How do we teach a  culture we are only selectively apart of? Do we compartmentalize different cultural practices based on current lifestyle?

Experts in fields dealing with children development, where it be an pediatrician, school teacher or their families, will mostly likely agree that teaching children more than one language is beneficial to their brain development, social interaction and academic achievement. One of the main reasons is the capability to understand and transfer information at a higher and faster rate then when  language translation does not take place. The ability to fully understand and comprehend languages more than one, is the struggle for parents in choosing the culture associated with each language to teach their children.

Language experts will agree that language is culture and a culture has its own language. For new parents, there are many monumental stages for their first child that are looked forward to and celebrated. One of them is a baby’s first word(s). For parents who are bi-cultural and bi-lingual, which language becomes more significant than the other to teach that child? Being able to speak and comprehend two cultures and languages was a necessity amongst children of immigrants, but what about the second generation in the 21^st century? With the availability of technologies and easy travel to different cultures and countries, the term “culture” has become more fluid and versatile as groups have become more unified and languages has had to make cultural adjustments to describe daily life. The an example the word IPAD is the same in Arabic, English and Chinese.

 For children of immigrants, the process was almost simple: English outside, different language inside (mostly likely one language of both parents). These first generation children were distinctly aware of the differences of their home language and English, which enabled them to clarify differences when it came to cultural beliefs and practices. Immigrant from non-developed countries or countries of war, were much well versed in their home culture  and language as some had been exposed to the full culture and language  at one time or another during their formative years. This full emergence has aided in being able to separate and create different identities as appropriate and welcomed in each culture. Secondly, children of immigrants had to reply on social interaction and constantly identifying with both cultures through their daily life. For an example, many of the aforementioned children translated for family members, especially their parents for their own schooling purposes, shopping, traveling and being a contributing member of their new communities to be able to strengthen their new identity. Whilst children today have limited social interaction to develop both identities, with the creation of enticing apps and online games to expose and infiltrate their time and how its spent. People interaction has decreased whist technological interaction has increased. This is a challenge in language and culture learning and teaching for parents trying to incorporate dual languages and cultures whist living in the US.

 For second generation children living in the united States with parents who came at here at a very young age (0-15 years old), have a much more complex set of challenges in creating and maintaining a cultural and language identity as they have never experienced a full immersion or a community.  If the aforementioned parents do not solidify their own bi-cultural and language identities, how then can they pass on the same identities to those who may never have been fully emergence such a way of life, but has only experienced snippets of their parents life . Take the following family as an example of the complexity of language and culture teaching to children exposed to another culture at the same time and how each new generation point of reference has changed.

A traditional family from Afghanistan has been displaced due to war and the father, mother and three young children, all under-fives years old, have settled in Seattle Washington. The father and mother don’t speak English and only their native language of Pashto. Their children have only been exposed to the culture and language in Afghanistan, like their parents. Upon arrival, the children slowly start to attend primary school and within a few years, they are fully fluent in English and serve as guides and translators for their parents who are mostly home bound or serve in local immigrant communities in positions where little or no English is required. In essence with time, the children start to teach their parents the culture and language. The children become the teachers, but only have to teach one language and culture: English. They quickly become bi-lingo and bi-cultural, however their parents still hold the dominate afghan identity and language and will remain as the point of reference for all teaching that is to come with being an Afghan parent. Now that the children have grown and some have never seen or visited their home country again, they have created lives in their new home, whilst trying to keep both identities as they embark on the journey of creating their own families. The have successfully learned to compartmentalize cultural significances.

This second generation from afghan-American parents, have challenges and rewards ahead of them as they try to understand the powerfulness of knowing and understanding both cultures and languages and not just the most convenient one for the time being. English and the American culture has become their reference point as that is what they know and the society they live in. Sure, in the home different language can be taught and culture practiced, however it can no longer be done in isolation, when outside the doorsteps, a different language and culture await. Bi-cultural parents have an interesting task of integrating both cultures and languages and unlike them, it is they who has to teach it, not their children as they had done for their own parents. The challenge is creating an environment that teaches and uses both languages. The reward is not having to choose one culture over the other, as technology has brought cultures into our living room, but having different sets of experiences, perspectives and understanding of people in general. Being more mindful and aware of differences and bridging the gap between them to acknowledge our similarities. These second generation of children will hopefully use technology to create an even more unified world with their unique set of skills that each language and culture have given them.