When considering a potential partner for marriage, there are
many factors that are evaluated. Depending on each person and life priorities, we place different degrees of importance in each area of
our life. For some, being of a certain race or religion is a must, while for
others it maybe a financial or social factor. From education and career to
hobbies and interests can be used to predict a good match for life.
Prioritizing the aforementioned factors have varying level
of importance depending on historical times including economic changes and
educational freedom to technological advances in communication and travel make
it easier to meet different people from around the world. This exposure to the
world has created a larger society where you have more people to choose from
and are not held to the same criteria in
choosing a mate as previous generations have. We can use our experiences, our
wants and needs and personal chemistry in choosing the right person to marry.
Now more than ever, intercultural marriages are happening everywhere in the
world, with the largest majority in the US. This international exposure gained
from easier communication and travel has brought people together from all
corners of the earth regardless of their upbringing or culture. As much as
diversity can have positive effects, it can also create some challenges within
the marriage and the life of the individuals as well as raising children in a
bicultural household, family and society.
One of the main issues in bi-culture marriage and families
is the notion of language. It is through language that we formulate our
personal and group identities. It is communication that lets us get to know
each other so that we may get to understand one another. Language gives us our
culture. Knowing and understanding the language of the partner’s mother tongue
can illustrate a possibility in truly knowing and understanding the mate and
their former and present self, family and larger cultural group.
It is very important to acknowledge and understand the
larger cultural group as a whole. The beliefs, traditions and what is important
to members on a daily basis. Certain cultural traits that are practiced and
expected from members of the group should also be considered and practiced when
interacting with the group as you are part of them through association by sharing
your life with their member.
Appreciating the
language and cultural background of the spouse can create an affinity in
wanting to share their culture in the best manner possible even when language
is an issue, is inviting one in into their cultural society through family and
friends. To accept that and show appreciation when the invitation is
extended as that membership is only exclusively for that
group.
Another issue that can arise in a bicultural marriage is
being exposed to extremely different lifestyles. This can present an issue as
past experiences influence our current decisions and future aspirations and not
having similar experiences or cultural backgrounds can create misunderstandings
about how one operates in their cognitive thinking. For some, this opposite way
of living is what initially attracted them to one another. Although overtime,
much communication has to take place to create understanding of how they chose
to live and decide how to raise their children when creating families as both
parents will have very different ideas depending on their own upbringing. From
celebrating holidays to valuing certain cultural traits. For an example in the
Arab culture, showing great hospitality to guests in their home, is a cultural
trait that is greatly valued and practiced in daily life.
Raising children in a
bi-cultural home is an unique journey in which both parents and cultural
traditions will be questioned and prioritized based on varying situations and
what each partner believes they want to continue and practice. It can create
challenges, however, with the availability of the internet and easily
accessible resources in teaching language and traveling to the country of
origin will make a difference in what the children chose themselves. Like any
parent and spouse, they must choose what they believe will benefit them the most, not cause them harm, protect them
and make them successful while respecting those around them, before them and
those that will come in the future.
As a person married to a man of another culture, who does not share his first language, I totally agree with you. Even when I speak English these days I mix in some Arabic and Hindi that I have picked up by spending time in his family's home in the country of Oman. When you marry a person in "the East," you marry a family. Be prepared for all the good and also the tears that come with learning another culture. It is worth it to help create a multi-lingual and m-lingual environment full of love for one's children.
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